TGIF...this has been the longest week in quite some time. But alas it is finally coming to an end, so here is a quick wrap up of the morning news and important information for the weekend ahead...
1. Apparently John Edwards and Al Gore have made the short list of possible VP's on the Obama ticket. I think both men are great people and should be respected politicians, but I don't know if they would be better choices for Obama than my current favorites Gen. Wes Clark, Jim Webb and Chuck Hagle. It shall be interesting and I hope he doesn't wait too much longer before making a decision. We need to get this gravy train moving.
2. And speaking of politics and news, exactly one week ago today Tim Russert passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I watched a lot of the coverage over the past week, including the very first Meet the Press without him, moderator's chair left empty, on Sunday morning. It was very sad and he definitely seemed to be a very well respected and cared for guy by everyone around him. I'm sure this Sunday will be very strange as well.
3. The Chicago Bears have signed their current defensive tackle and former OU alum Tommie Harris to a four-year extension through 2012 worth about $40 million, including $18 million in guarantees and $27 million over three years. This extension deal makes Harris the highest paid defensive tackle in NFL history, and the contract is the richest in team history. Score one for the Sooners!
4. In other good news, over rated pitcher and all around douchebag Curt Schilling is going to have surgery which Douche McGouche, sorry, Curt Schilling, himself says may end his career.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out assbag.
5. I heard on ESPN this morning that some people are predicting a Cubs/Devil Rays world series. Things that make you go hmmmm.
6. And last but certainly not least...THE BIG MATCH IS FINALLY HAPPENING! Yes, that's right. The big tennis match between Bruce and our resident physician's lady friend Hermione, will be occurring at 2pm on Saturday! Be there to witness battle of the sexes history and me claiming my dinner from the good doctor.
That's all folks, have a great weekend, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Do It Up America
Apparently in a fit of patriotism, my middle school band teacher created something ... something beautiful. It has since become a YouTube sensation; now everyone is singing ... DO IT UP AMERICA!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Oh yeah, Reilly...?
So, anonymous internet friends, How was your weekend? Mine was pretty good, thanks. I went to the Yankee game Friday night. they lost, but it was their only loss over the weekend, so that's cool. Normally, I take Mrs. Don't-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac to the games. She is a great sport and always at least pretends she is enjoying herself. This Friday, however, I took my brother. We had beers and bonded etc. etc. etc.
The game was not really the most entertaining part of the night, however. At least for the people in my section. Here is just a little foreshadowing, if you will, of how the night transpired. It may be confusing, but like Pulp Fiction, if you stick around for the whole show, you'll see what I mean.
Halfway through the game, some poor sap and his girlfriend decided to sit in the seats behind us because "the heights are really bothering her..." Ok. Fine. No one was sitting there anyway. I'd do the same thing too, except I'd do it because I'd want to get closer to the action not because I've got fucking vertigo.
Anyway, so that was relatively uninteresting. But then it happened:
"these seats suck, too"
"Ugh, I hate these seats"
"why couldn't you get us better seats"
"[insert whatever fucking pain in the ass typical girlfriend thing you can think of and this bitch will top it with her hands tied behind her back]"
The poor guy is just taking it. Having his balls removed in front of 54,000 people. I felt bad for him, but I also felt great about myself and Mrs. Don't-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac. So, I decided to write her a text message to convey this thought I had.
Actual text message: This guys gf behind me is such a bitch. You are the best.
(actually, thats not the actual text message because I have a blackberry, and the BB is a wonderful machine with many excellent features and functions including, but not limited to automatically formatting things such as an apostrophe to indicate the gf belonging to "this guy"- a point that is, as I am sure you have figured out, debatable.)
If you read the parenthetical, you may have an idea of where this is going. If not, heres a hint:
Fast forward a few innings. And a few beers. Sugar and Spice and everything nice is walking back up to her seat and as she is approaching, leans in, bumps my shoulder and hits me in the head with her bag. The subsequent conversation took place:
DFWYCFCM: What the fuck was that?
Insanebitchygirlfriendofpoorschmuck: Oh, I'm sorry. Was that bitchy of me?
DFWYCFCM: [turns to poor schmuck] Dude, what the fuck?
Poorschmuck: Maybe you shouldn't be writing texts about people who are sitting right behind you...
DFWYCFCM: [to himself] woops.
IBGFOPS: asshole
OK. So. A few things, here. First: I had kind of a George Costanza-Jerk Store moment. I froze after that. I didn't say anything because, well, I felt kind of bad. But then, the more I thought about it, I had several thoughts:
1. What the fuck are you two assholes doing reading my phone?
2. Sit in your own seats, losers.
3. Was hitting me in the face with your bag an attempt to disprove my text?
I unfortunately, did not say anything along those lines right after the altercation. I waited for my moment: the end of the game. I'll look this guy right in the face and tell him what a fucking dickhead he is and to ask his girlfriend for his fucking testicles back. My jerkstore moment.
I did not tell the guy to ask for his balls back.
I did however, poke the guy in his chest as he walked by and said the following:
The sad thing about you, pal, is you know I'm right.
And he does.
And I bet the following two things have or will happen:
1. He thought of something clever to come back with as he was walking out of the stadium.
2. He will break up with his girlfriend within 2 months.
The game was not really the most entertaining part of the night, however. At least for the people in my section. Here is just a little foreshadowing, if you will, of how the night transpired. It may be confusing, but like Pulp Fiction, if you stick around for the whole show, you'll see what I mean.
Halfway through the game, some poor sap and his girlfriend decided to sit in the seats behind us because "the heights are really bothering her..." Ok. Fine. No one was sitting there anyway. I'd do the same thing too, except I'd do it because I'd want to get closer to the action not because I've got fucking vertigo.
Anyway, so that was relatively uninteresting. But then it happened:
"these seats suck, too"
"Ugh, I hate these seats"
"why couldn't you get us better seats"
"[insert whatever fucking pain in the ass typical girlfriend thing you can think of and this bitch will top it with her hands tied behind her back]"
The poor guy is just taking it. Having his balls removed in front of 54,000 people. I felt bad for him, but I also felt great about myself and Mrs. Don't-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac. So, I decided to write her a text message to convey this thought I had.
Actual text message: This guys gf behind me is such a bitch. You are the best.
(actually, thats not the actual text message because I have a blackberry, and the BB is a wonderful machine with many excellent features and functions including, but not limited to automatically formatting things such as an apostrophe to indicate the gf belonging to "this guy"- a point that is, as I am sure you have figured out, debatable.)
If you read the parenthetical, you may have an idea of where this is going. If not, heres a hint:
Fast forward a few innings. And a few beers. Sugar and Spice and everything nice is walking back up to her seat and as she is approaching, leans in, bumps my shoulder and hits me in the head with her bag. The subsequent conversation took place:
DFWYCFCM: What the fuck was that?
Insanebitchygirlfriendofpoorschmuck: Oh, I'm sorry. Was that bitchy of me?
DFWYCFCM: [turns to poor schmuck] Dude, what the fuck?
Poorschmuck: Maybe you shouldn't be writing texts about people who are sitting right behind you...
DFWYCFCM: [to himself] woops.
IBGFOPS: asshole
OK. So. A few things, here. First: I had kind of a George Costanza-Jerk Store moment. I froze after that. I didn't say anything because, well, I felt kind of bad. But then, the more I thought about it, I had several thoughts:
1. What the fuck are you two assholes doing reading my phone?
2. Sit in your own seats, losers.
3. Was hitting me in the face with your bag an attempt to disprove my text?
I unfortunately, did not say anything along those lines right after the altercation. I waited for my moment: the end of the game. I'll look this guy right in the face and tell him what a fucking dickhead he is and to ask his girlfriend for his fucking testicles back. My jerkstore moment.
I did not tell the guy to ask for his balls back.
I did however, poke the guy in his chest as he walked by and said the following:
The sad thing about you, pal, is you know I'm right.
And he does.
And I bet the following two things have or will happen:
1. He thought of something clever to come back with as he was walking out of the stadium.
2. He will break up with his girlfriend within 2 months.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS ANALYSIS
So I had to cut out of work a little early to meet the cable guy at my apartment, so I (per usual) checked out my favorite JETS website, The Jets Blog, at www.thejetsblog.com. I'm kind of known as the pessimist on that site, because (I think) I'm more realistic and don't allow my fandom to cloud my judgment. Anyway, I wrote a novel that rivals Tolstoy's War and Peace in the comments section on one of The Jets Blog's threads, so I figured I'd cut-and-paste it here, with some editing of course.
My post breaks down as follows: I separated the offense and defense, analyzed both, and gave them a win total that I think the respective units bring to the table. I guess the best comparison would be someone looking at the Rams offense after they got Marshall Faulk and saying "Now this has the makings of a Super Bowl winning offense". The only difference is that I'm saying something more like "Now this has the makings of an 8-8 offense".
[I am posting about a Jets Blog blogger's] comments regarding his inability to see “this offense” getting less than 5 wins. I think his question requires a time machine, taking this year’s offense and plopping it on the field with last year’s defense and last year’s schedule. I don’t think that the offense has improved so drastically (on paper) that they’re automatically a win better. Sure, improvement is LIKELY b/c the LG and RT play was so horrific last year, and in fact more than a 1 win improvement is likely based upon that upgrade and adding a chip like Keller. Its just not automatic in my book. Everyone talks about how getting another break or two might’ve had the JETS at 8 wins last year… but losing another break or two (the Dolphins game I was at when the ‘Phins almost came back and the worthless Chiefs game at the end of the year), and they’d have been 2-14, so I disregard those statements. Teams with good records always seem to have good luck (like the Pats during their previous Super Bowl runs that predated all the current star power [please, trust me I know how good Brady, Seymour, et al were, but they took it to another level with last year’s additions]). In other words, I don’t think that last year’s offense was an 8-8 offense that got unlucky and went 4-12. I think last year’s offense was anywhere from a 2-14 to a 5-11 offense that went 4-12. We did add the best OG in football to fill our weakest spot on the O-Line, and we did add a potential playmaker in Keller (lets consider Faneca, assuming health, to be an automatic star player)… Keller’s contribution and development is no guarantee, so its fully possible that we have last year’s offense plus an elite LG, and a 50/50 shot at a healthy Coles (just like last year).
If I were a fan with a sunny disposition, I’d consider Keller to be a likely instant go-to guy as a 3rd option/check-down option who comes down with 50 catches, many of which are in key spots, a fully healthy Coles for 16 games, the continued development of D’Brick (Mangold is already awesome and will definitely benefit from Faneca so I’m not worried about the C position), Damien Woody is actually not only decent but very good at RT, and Kellen Clemens, with protection and an improved running game, shows off his arm… but not in a pre-Super-Bowl-run-Eli-Manning way (throwing for a ton of TD’s and yards but throwing a ton of picks and constantly making key mistakes at the worst time), but in a 2006 Drew Brees mold (efficient, great yardage, decent TD-to-INT ratio).
Thats a lot of things working out perfectly all at the same time and I cannot say its likely to be the case that all of the above variables work out perfectly for the JETS. Most likely, out of the above “sunny disposition” predictions, I’d say its most likely that Keller does pan out as a decent receiving threat in his first year, making some plays but taking a while to adjust, finishing with a “good year” in the 3rd WR/TE/H-Back role with 30-40 catches (if things work out perfectly and/or Coles gets hurt per usual, I can certainly see him grabbing 50); Faneca (assuming health) is awesome; Mangold continues his ascension to being a Pro Bowler; D’Brick continues to be average but makes less horrible plays where he is tossed around like a rag doll; Woody is a fat waste of space and doesn’t have the feet to play even RT; and Clemens — in his first really fair chance to play in front of a compentent team — shows off his arm strength, throwing for a lot of yards and a good amount of TD’s… but also a good amount of INTs. At best, I see Clemens having an Eli-Manning type year (and yes, I'm referring to Eli's career before the final game of the year against the Pats and forward from there). I don't think Clemens has that kind of cap to his potential, but this will be his first year with competent players around him, so I don't expect magic. Thomas Jones will get better because the O-Line is better (even a fat, slow and useless Woody is an upgrade), and the JETS are good enough on offense to be an average team, maybe even get a Wild Card spot at 10-6 if the defense improves.
By the way, for the record, I’m MUCH more optimistic about DRASTIC improvements on defense. I LOVE the way Harris and Revis turned out; I count Kerry Rhodes as a Pro Bowler the past 2 years and he’ll be there in the future; Kris Jenkins was the EXACT type of guy they needed but didn’t come close to having; there are a bunch of guys competing for the #2 slot, and even having Poteat there doesn’t mean you can’t be a very good defense (though it’ll be a weak spot); while I don’t think they’ll all pan out for next year, its fair to say that in all likelihood, 2 out of the 3 of Gholston, Pace and Bryan Thomas will be good-to-very good OLB’s next year, and Gholston may have some Merriman-like-pass-rushing ability; I think that Sean Ellis is underrated by most JETS fans (though far from ideal for the 3-4 defense); and I think that Coleman is serviceable at DE.
So while I think the offense might be an 7-9 to 9-7 offense, I think the defense is a 9-7 to 10-6 unit. I know its weird to think this way (separating the two), but thats my analysis of these units. This makes 10-6 a possibility, but as I've said many times before, if you put a gun to my head and made me guess the JETS record this year, I'd say 8-8; I'd certainly say 7-9 before I said 10-6 with my life on the line!
So you see, I’m not always doom and gloom.
My post breaks down as follows: I separated the offense and defense, analyzed both, and gave them a win total that I think the respective units bring to the table. I guess the best comparison would be someone looking at the Rams offense after they got Marshall Faulk and saying "Now this has the makings of a Super Bowl winning offense". The only difference is that I'm saying something more like "Now this has the makings of an 8-8 offense".
[I am posting about a Jets Blog blogger's] comments regarding his inability to see “this offense” getting less than 5 wins. I think his question requires a time machine, taking this year’s offense and plopping it on the field with last year’s defense and last year’s schedule. I don’t think that the offense has improved so drastically (on paper) that they’re automatically a win better. Sure, improvement is LIKELY b/c the LG and RT play was so horrific last year, and in fact more than a 1 win improvement is likely based upon that upgrade and adding a chip like Keller. Its just not automatic in my book. Everyone talks about how getting another break or two might’ve had the JETS at 8 wins last year… but losing another break or two (the Dolphins game I was at when the ‘Phins almost came back and the worthless Chiefs game at the end of the year), and they’d have been 2-14, so I disregard those statements. Teams with good records always seem to have good luck (like the Pats during their previous Super Bowl runs that predated all the current star power [please, trust me I know how good Brady, Seymour, et al were, but they took it to another level with last year’s additions]). In other words, I don’t think that last year’s offense was an 8-8 offense that got unlucky and went 4-12. I think last year’s offense was anywhere from a 2-14 to a 5-11 offense that went 4-12. We did add the best OG in football to fill our weakest spot on the O-Line, and we did add a potential playmaker in Keller (lets consider Faneca, assuming health, to be an automatic star player)… Keller’s contribution and development is no guarantee, so its fully possible that we have last year’s offense plus an elite LG, and a 50/50 shot at a healthy Coles (just like last year).
If I were a fan with a sunny disposition, I’d consider Keller to be a likely instant go-to guy as a 3rd option/check-down option who comes down with 50 catches, many of which are in key spots, a fully healthy Coles for 16 games, the continued development of D’Brick (Mangold is already awesome and will definitely benefit from Faneca so I’m not worried about the C position), Damien Woody is actually not only decent but very good at RT, and Kellen Clemens, with protection and an improved running game, shows off his arm… but not in a pre-Super-Bowl-run-Eli-Manning way (throwing for a ton of TD’s and yards but throwing a ton of picks and constantly making key mistakes at the worst time), but in a 2006 Drew Brees mold (efficient, great yardage, decent TD-to-INT ratio).
Thats a lot of things working out perfectly all at the same time and I cannot say its likely to be the case that all of the above variables work out perfectly for the JETS. Most likely, out of the above “sunny disposition” predictions, I’d say its most likely that Keller does pan out as a decent receiving threat in his first year, making some plays but taking a while to adjust, finishing with a “good year” in the 3rd WR/TE/H-Back role with 30-40 catches (if things work out perfectly and/or Coles gets hurt per usual, I can certainly see him grabbing 50); Faneca (assuming health) is awesome; Mangold continues his ascension to being a Pro Bowler; D’Brick continues to be average but makes less horrible plays where he is tossed around like a rag doll; Woody is a fat waste of space and doesn’t have the feet to play even RT; and Clemens — in his first really fair chance to play in front of a compentent team — shows off his arm strength, throwing for a lot of yards and a good amount of TD’s… but also a good amount of INTs. At best, I see Clemens having an Eli-Manning type year (and yes, I'm referring to Eli's career before the final game of the year against the Pats and forward from there). I don't think Clemens has that kind of cap to his potential, but this will be his first year with competent players around him, so I don't expect magic. Thomas Jones will get better because the O-Line is better (even a fat, slow and useless Woody is an upgrade), and the JETS are good enough on offense to be an average team, maybe even get a Wild Card spot at 10-6 if the defense improves.
By the way, for the record, I’m MUCH more optimistic about DRASTIC improvements on defense. I LOVE the way Harris and Revis turned out; I count Kerry Rhodes as a Pro Bowler the past 2 years and he’ll be there in the future; Kris Jenkins was the EXACT type of guy they needed but didn’t come close to having; there are a bunch of guys competing for the #2 slot, and even having Poteat there doesn’t mean you can’t be a very good defense (though it’ll be a weak spot); while I don’t think they’ll all pan out for next year, its fair to say that in all likelihood, 2 out of the 3 of Gholston, Pace and Bryan Thomas will be good-to-very good OLB’s next year, and Gholston may have some Merriman-like-pass-rushing ability; I think that Sean Ellis is underrated by most JETS fans (though far from ideal for the 3-4 defense); and I think that Coleman is serviceable at DE.
So while I think the offense might be an 7-9 to 9-7 offense, I think the defense is a 9-7 to 10-6 unit. I know its weird to think this way (separating the two), but thats my analysis of these units. This makes 10-6 a possibility, but as I've said many times before, if you put a gun to my head and made me guess the JETS record this year, I'd say 8-8; I'd certainly say 7-9 before I said 10-6 with my life on the line!
So you see, I’m not always doom and gloom.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)